How To Reach An Agreement Regarding The Education Of Children?
When a couple decides to start a family and have children, their stories begin to intertwine more intimately. How both were brought up will become more apparent. In turn, your beliefs, your fears and your cravings will be hopelessly expressed to your children.
Therefore, one of the great challenges for the couple is to reach an agreement regarding the education of their children.
What obstacles can we face?
When reaching an agreement regarding the education of children, two situations can occur:
- When parents have completely different opinions about how to raise their children. Sometimes the ways in which they were brought up can be very different from each other.
- From wanting the best for their children so much, parents reach a point of rigidity and want to impose their point of view, without being able to see what is best for the new family.
- When agreements are reached, however, one is more permissive than the other. This situation is a constant source of conflict between couples. On many occasions, the rules are set, but one of the two adults is stricter when it comes to keeping them.
- This creates a lot of insecurity in children, who need clear and loving boundaries for their best physical, intellectual and emotional development.
When the child receives contradictory messages or hears how his parents fight in front of him, he feels without clear references. This can help your child learn to use these discrepancies to their own benefit.
Strategies for Agreeing on Children’s Education
- Talk about what kind of education you had at home and what you want to put into practice now that you are a mother or father. It is not necessary to repeat any model. Now you’re a new family and it’s about finding those formulas that make you feel comfortable.
- Agree on the limits you will give your children. Talk to each other first and then make clear to the children the rules and the consequences of non-compliance, if any.
- When there is a situation of confrontation between one of the parents and the child, the other must remain outside, without intrusion. Listen and wait for the moment when you are alone to talk. If discussions arise – and they will – try to dialogue in a serene way and without losing sight of the fact that the main objective is the children’s well-being.
- As we do with children, it is also very healthy to make clear to our partner what our limits are. You both must know what boundary the other is not willing to cross.
More strategies
- Never blame the child for problems. After all, they are the ones who suffer most when a problem arises between father and mother. Put yourself in their shoes and don’t idealize or project in advance what life will be like before becoming a father; children are not the reason for their disagreements.
- Let your child know that Mom and Dad are looking for the best for him. Let him know that you are a team, although sometimes you don’t agree with each other. He must feel that he can trust both of you and that you are also learning the best way to educate him.
- If there was a conflict and you don’t agree in front of the children, take it easy, it’s not the end of the world. Take advantage of the experience to sit down, analyze the situation, and see how best to act when another similar situation happens.
Don’t fall into the ego’s traps. Ultimately, it’s not about being right or getting above your partner. It is about seeking solutions and agreements, agreeing on the education of children, having enough vision and empathy to build together new paths that benefit the whole family.
